I have been in several weddings either as a maid of honor or a bridesmaid. In one wedding, I wondered why this young lady chose me to be her maid of honor. After all, I only knew this woman for a short amount of time compared to my other friends Yet, when we were starting the planning process, I started to realize why she choose me. It was simple: I am a reliable, pro-active, creative person. If you need me to get some information for you and follow through on an assignment, I am usually the one to call. If you need someone to go with you to these corny bridal shows, I was usually the one you would call because we would have a great time. More importantly, I would be there. I was doing most of the work for this wedding because her bridesmaids were, for lack of better words, worthless. They were not terrible, but not necessarily helpful. Many people may claim to be your friend until you add them to the bridal party. Suddenly, they become someone completely different. Let me give you a secret of WHY these sisters start acting like this: this is the one day that it is ALL ABOUT YOU and NOT about them. I hate to be the sistha with the bad news, but it's the truth. This is a day where YOU are the center of attention. Some of your friends cannot handle that. Also, if your friends have difficult love lives, this may be a reminder to them how pathetic their love lives are. Some people can push that aside and be a good bridesmaid. Others may take your day personally. But to avoid all of the drama associated with those no-good bridesmaids, pick some bridesmaids who will help make your day the best. I know you have a lot of friends who are eager to be your bridesmaid, but all of them are not bridesmaid worthy. Please think about the following questions when choosing whether a friend (or associate) is bridesmaid worthy:
1. Is this so-called friend reliable? You may have those friends who only call when they need something. And you may have those friends who usually cancel on you at the last minute if you make plans. These individuals are NOT reliable. Being a bridesmaid takes someone who is RELIABLE. If you call them and ask them to meet you somewhere to look at fabrics, you have to KNOW that person will show up unless there is an emergency. If you have a date to look at bridesmaids dresses, will the person show up in a decent time or show up once the appointment is almost over? After all, many places are appointment only. So, you only have a certain allotted time to do what you need to do. Make sure that you have bridesmaids who will be at the appointment in a decent time.So, that means you HAVE to have reliable bridesmaids.
2. Is this so-called friend a drama queen? If this chic makes a big deal about EVERYTHING, then this may not be the person you want in your bridesmaid party. After all, all that individual will do is cause unnecessary drama. You will find yourself catering to that person instead of that person catering to you. This person is dangerous because they could ultimately cause division within the bridal party if they do not get their way. You want the bridal party to be as unified as possible. So, keep the drama queen OUT of the bridal party. Sure, you can invite this person to the wedding, but do not give them an opportunity to infiltrate into your special day.
3. Is this so called friend an attention whore? Does this person think that the universe revolves around them? This is that friend who thinks that they are the center of the universe. Like the world did not exist until they were born. This is the kind of person where it is ALL ABOUT THEM. They can barley have a conversation with you without talking about themselves. After all, your bridesmaids will need to be that ear to listen to when the mother of the groom starts acting up or the flower arrangements were not what you expected. But if you have someone who makes it all about them, you will get nothing done with that bridesmaid. As I said earlier, this day is about YOU. Attention whores cannot share attention. At the bridal shower, she will want all the attention. During the dress fitting, she will only talk about herself. This person will just not have your best interest at heart. They are in your wedding to make themselves feel important or center of attention. In other words, she is just taking up space. Invite her to the reception so she can make a grand entrance, but do not let her become a bridesmaid.
4. Is this so-called friend a good listener? If so, THEN SHE IS THE person to put on your bridal party. You are going to be venting about several things. You need someone who will take the time to listen to what you are saying and what you want. This person will listen to you, even if it is something trivial and crazy. I had to learn to be a good listener when all of my sistahs got married. As a maid of honor or bridesmaid, I knew that if they called, then I needed to stop what I was doing so I could really hear them. As a bride, you will want to talk about colors, drama with the in-laws, number of guests, venue problems, etc. Basically, you want a bridesmaid who will be willing to listen to you through it all. If the friend is not a good listener, you may not want her as a bridesmaid.
5. Is this so-called friend creative? You GOT to have a bridesmaid who is creative. Think about it. You do not want a boring bachelorette or bridal party. You want to make sure you have a good time! So you need to have bridesmaids who thinks outside the box a little bit, but knows what you like. Do not get some stranger who may be creative, but does not know your unique taste. Get a sistah who KNOWS you and can be creative. You want a bridesmaid that can cater your wedding festivities towards your interest. For example, I had a dessert and "Passion" party at my house for one bride's bachelorette party because she loved cupcakes and had a more relaxed personality. She was not going to be down for a stripper or go to the club. Now, another bride we went club hopping in a limo followed by a night of wine and a stripper. But this bride was more outgoing and a bit more adventurous. So, find a creative bridesmaid who really knows you.
6. Is this so-called friend proactive? You have a friend who may think for you? A friend who will be able to find out things for you instead of you telling them everything? You are going to have a lot on your plate. You need a bridesmaid who will take something and run with it. When I planned the bachelorette party and bridal party for the weddings, I went ahead and planned it with the other bridesmaids. There was no need to get their approval on EVERYTHING. In fact, for one bride, we had a weekend full of activities that she had no idea about. The only thing we told her was to keep that entire weekend open. Also, there may be certain things you will not be thinking about doing because of all the other things on your plate. That's when the bridesmaids intervene to help you out even if you do not ask. If you are having a difficult time, this bridesmaid may take you out for drinks and dinner so you can relax without you even asking for it. This is what I mean by being proactive.
7. Is this so-called friend a meticulous/logistics kind of person? You need at least one bridesmaid who can create an itinerary for what will happen at each event. This would be like my coauthor Jessica. This chic could get you to your destination, tell you what will take place, and give each bridesmaid a list of assignments. In other words, this person delegates when you cannot. This sistah needs to be able to get everyone in order. While you may have a wedding coordinator, you need someone within the bridal party to get people together. They will help on the day of the wedding and the bridal festivities. They need to know what time you have to be at the wedding destination, how long it will take to get you dressed, where the grooms will be, how long it will take to get to the reception from the wedding destination, how many people need to carpool with one another, etc. If you know someone like that, add them. But make sure you like them, because they will be bossing people around. ;)
Picking a bridesmaid takes a lot of thought! Do not simply open your Rolladex and pick sistahs based on whether they will look good in your bridal party. Pick someone based on their character. After all, that part is more important than simply whether they will look good in that Cherry Apple Red color you want in your wedding. The bridal party may determine whether you have a stressful wedding planning process or not. While planning weddings is stressful, make sure you have people on your team who have your back. You know the old saying: if you want something done, then you surround yourself by smart people. In this case, if you want your wedding and bridal festivities to be one of happiness and joy, then surround yourself with great friends. So do me a favor and think about who you want as potential bridesmaids. Think about whether they are bridesmaid worthy. ;)
